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Sick of it All

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Here is yet another investigative report for your unequal, corrupted political council that you call [Sep. 22nd, 2004|01:32 am]
Sick of it All


[feeling like: |determineddetermined]

It seems to me that the story changes constantly. There is never a straight answer from anyone. Is everyone that afraid of the truth? Of course, that's why no one is completely honest anymore. I'm sick of two-faced people and people who strive to use others. I was taught early in my elementary education that America was such a great country because their people were free. Other countries "flock" to America to get their part. I also learned about the basics of the different branches of government. According to the writers of the textbook (who were most likely politicians, which can't be trusted anyway) and the teacher that relied on the information in the textbook to teach her students, if you had a problem you took it to the courts. The courts would then listen equally to both sides and weigh the evidence and make a fair decision based on the information they collected. Now this being the first time I've ever really had to deal with the court system, I find this information that was taught to me to be completely untrue.

First there is Child Protective Services, Kevin Luke, who did two seperate reports and/or investigations at the home of the petitioner. Then found one out of three parents and asked her simple questions for about ten minutes. Now, I can't be sure, because I wasn't there, but I do believe the two investigative actions that took place on behalf of the petitioner took much longer than ten minutes and a few simple questions. Also, when trying to communicate further with this worker, many messages were left and no calls were returned. Does that seem equal to you? Next we have the court investigator who also conducts an investigative report for the court at the home of the petitioner. This court ivestigator, whose job it is to find the truth in a web of arguements, does not even contact the parent who was contacted by Mr. Luke. Thirdly, we have an independent lawyer appointed to only the children in this matter. This lawyer converses with the children who are old enough to communicate needs and wants and behaviors by the parties to the action. This lawyer who is supposed to be interested solely in the children's best interests, talks to the petitioner and gathers information from her, but then does not do a follow-up interview with any of the parents involved. Sounds to me like we have a score of 3-0. Parent losing. Why is this? This is most likely due to several severe allegations by the petitioner of the parents (one which may fit one but not all) and also due to the amount of monies all the parties involved have. In the American government, money is power and power is corruption. The patriotic people who partake in jobs within the government don't want to hear the faults of the country they love and will deny there being any truth therin. Also, most likely, they will try to hush the person who is saying such things, because we wouldn't want that person to have any influence on other tax-paying citizens. If the tax-payers don't like what they hear, they will be more resistive to giving their money to the government. The government definitely would hate to lose money. The government will find a way around the right to free speech and repremand the person who is putting their tax dollars at risk. This should scare the person into a hushed mode and all the loyal, taxpaying citizens will not hear a negative thing about the government they support-even if the negative thing is truthful.

I am not afraid to stand up to what I believe. No longer will I sit back and watch things happen to me. No longer will I be taken advantage of. I will not be quiet. I deserve to be heard just as much as every other citizen of this country, no matter the amount of money or power. I not only deserve to be heard as part of a judicial action, but I deserve the right to speak my mind about any other person and their actions whom I believe is trying to get a personal gain by hurting me in anyway. I will fight back. (Of course, if I had as much money to expend as certain others, I would have a lawyer and this could have all been taken care of a long time ago.) Here I stand and I will not budge. No one will control my thoughts or my actions, because I have a mind of my own. I will not give in to this or any other threatening behavior.

I have not recieved a copy of any orignal complaint by the petitioner nor can I find one on file with the case. What am I objecting to? Well someone is trying to steal my children, my flesh and blood, from my very arms. They will use these children as weapons to control the person who has transformed from a controlled child to a very independent adult. The person using these children can't stand to lose control of things in their life and now that they make a decent living, after not working for 21 years, can use their money to influence events in their favor. This person who wants control is the petitioner. THey are used to having an overwhelming influence over the person they are trying to control, and now that their influence is becoming less as the person matures, this person must find a way to regain control. The perfect way. The one and only true way to grab them by the insides and attach strings to their limbs and watch them dance. Nothing else would affect this person more than taking the three most valuable things they have. THe children they have bore, learned to love and care for indefinitely. I do not know what accusations are being made about me completely. I did not get the memo. How do I defend myself from something that is unknown? I can't, it's impossible. All I know is that I have given up things in every aspect of living to make sure these beautiful children are safe, happy, loved and well taken care of. Even if it means working two jobs to make sure they are living their lives to the fullest extent and have every opportunity they need to grow and learn.

I have also not recieved any copies of any reports expelled from the various investigations that took place at the home of the petitioner. Every other participant including the petitioner and the judge and even the lawyer that is supposed to be standing tall for these children, have recieved copies of these reports and have had the opportunity to study and form opinions based on these reports. Since I do not know what is contained in these reports, I cannot point out the variations on the truth or the bold lies that are most likely contained within. I can however give my knowledge to these people and let them decide what is right by comparing reports and conducting background investigations if they so choose to do so. An investigation into the history of the parties would most certainly speak the truth.

The petitioner has four children. Up until two years ago, the petitioner's income was welfare. In addition to the welfare, the maternal great-grandmother paid all the bills nessesary to provide the petitioner and her children with a home and electricity and a phone, not to mention countless other items. This situation was in place for 21 years until the great-grandmother decided it was time to "retire" and "sold" her business to the petitioner. There were several incidents that put the petitioner's four children in danger and not one person interviened and tore up her family like she is doing to mine. When I, the oldest of the four, was young, our house was the neighborhood "party house." As an impressionable toddler, I remember being in the living room of my home with several people sitting around drinking and using illegal drugs then "passing out" wherever they lay. This was put to an end after a few years and the house was for the family and a few friends. There were people staying in the house after the "partying" was over, but not all at the same time. Some of these people had strangers who they had just met while out at night brought over to the house where the children resided, which put these children at risk of being harmed since no one knew who these strange men were that the housemate was bringing home. THere was also someone who had lived in the home who had their syringes for IV drug use taped to the underside of the sink. The petitioner had then gotten involved in a relationship with a man who was a member of CA, NA and AA. This man is the father of the third oldest child. He lived with us as a family for approximately six years. During this time this man was emotionally and psychologically abusive to the children in the house and there were extreme cases of domestic violence about 4 times a week in which I would hide under the dining room table and call 911 while this man beat on the petitioner. He was always back the next day. This man had also terminated a pregnancy of the petitioner's by kicking her in the stomach and throwing her into the porcelain and tile bathtub. Then she became pregnant with the third oldest child and gave birth to her. Later on this child was molested by this man and it was reported to the authorities. After this relationship was finally over, the petitioner came into contact with a prison inmate and befriended him. They soon married to try and lessen the sentance recieved by him for raping and murdering a 19 year old girl. Us children were frequently brought to a maximum security prison to visit this individual. Awhile after recieving a 64 year sentace, they divorced, because the purpose of the marriage was served. The next relationship was with the youngest child's father. They met via personals ad and the first time they met was at the family home and this man never left. The petitioner quickly became pregnant with the youngest child. This man would be nice to the children when the petitioner was around but would say crude and mean things to the children while the petitioner was out of earshot. They got married soon after meeting and once they were married this man would start to physically abuse the two oldest children, I being one of them. The longer he was around the more extreme the abuse became. It happened when the petitioner was away and when I tried to tell her about what was happening she told me that I just didn't want her to be with anybody and that I was selfish. The violence towards myself and the second oldest child had escalted to the point where I had been pushed down a flight of stairs and the second oldest had been severely beaten with several bruises including a black eye. During his time with our family he also made us do chores that were punishment but were overwhelming to children of our age. One such incident was when the second oldest was doing their turn on the dishes at about the age of 9 and this man carefully inspected the dishes afterwards and had found one plate that was still dirty. After pushing the child around the kitchen, he pulled every dish in the house out of the cabinets and made him wash all of them. After inspecting that whole kitchen full of dishes, he found a dirty fork and made the child rewash the entire kitchen's worth of dishes. I remember watching my sibling up until very late at night washing all these dishes. I was angry at the man and felt sorry for my sibling for putting up with this kind of bullying, but was afraid to interject most times for fear that I would incur physical harm, because it had happened several times when standing up for my sibling. After leaving this man when the second oldest had recieved the brusing over his whole body and the black eye, the petitioner and all four of us children lived in a secret location for battered women in a nearby town, but everytime the petitioner left this man they got back together even after there was physical evidence of the abuse I told her about. We had moved out of state with this man a second time and soon afterwards he took all the money and my car and left us stranded in a state where we knew nobody just a couple weeks before Christmas. During my childhood, the petitioner would slap me, spank me with utensils, throw objects at me, put her hands around my neck and held me down. If I tried to cover myself to soften the blows she would get even more angry and it would get worse. The petitioner has denied physical violence towards me when I have confronted her in the past about it which leads me to believe that she might black out when she gets that angry. I lived in fear of the petitioner who was violent with me and told me almost on a daily basis that I was a horrible child and she was sick of me and once told me she hated me. I walked on eggshells around her. I began smoking cigarettes, drinking and smoking marijuana and sneaking out during the night to go for walks beginning around the age of 12. I did these things to try and cope with my childhood and being under such strict control. I didn't do these things daily ever in my life with the exception of smoking cigarettes routinely around the age of 14. I lived with the petitioner on and off after the age of 10, because I was afraid and would find comfort at my grandmother's house. When I was very young, I made a promise to myself that if I ever had children I would not ever physically harm or punish them and would discipline them in an alternate matter.

In my family, there is a history of domestic violence towards the women and physical, emotional and mental abuse of the children by at least one parent. I have stopped the cycle of any sort of abuse toward the children. My children have never been spanked by me. I do know of times that they have been spanked by the petitioner and my two youngest siblings. I believe that my siblings' age dictates they should not be involved with disciplining my children at any time, especially the youngest sibling who is not even old enough to babysit let alone take it upon himself to decide to spank my children. I have asked the petitioner not to or alow anyone else to physically discipline my children and I have noticed a severe decrease in this practice when my children are at the petitioner's house. The relationship the petitioner is in now is a healthy one in which no physical violence occurs and the man, who is the other petitioner, loves and cares for everyone in our family. The petitioner does insult the man she is with now very often, which I believe is abuse towards him and is undeserved on his part, but he very rarely reacts to her mean comments. The history of domestic violence with me started in March 2004. THere was an incident where my husband had been drinking and had hit me several times. He was arrested, charged, sentenced and served his time. At the time of the incident I had obtained a restraining order for myself and my children who had moved in with the petitioner the day after the incident. I had also filed for divorce. The restraining order and divorce proceedings were upon recommendation from both petitioners. A second incident happened in August 2004. After my husband's release from jail in June 2004, I had picked him up from the jail to give him a ride back to Riverside to find him a rehabilitation program to combat his relapse of a 14 year old drug and alcohol addiction. We were unable to find a suitable place at the time, because of the lack of beds. The only way to get a bed was to be admitted to the mental hospital first. He expressed to me that he didn't want to be hospitalized so we put his name on a waiting list at Whiteside Manor for a regular bed. We spent some time together and tried to work things out for a few weeks. After the few weeks I decided that I didn't want to continue the relationship with him because he was not the same person I had originally married and I wasn't compatible with his new attitude. I also did not want my children's father to be on the streets. Due to his IV drug use during a period of homelessness that lasted about a month between two jail terms, we never had any kind of physical relationship. We had not had a physical relationship since January 2004, but I had reinterated to him that it was definitely out of the question at that point due to the risk of disease. He was hospitalized a few times and went to jail once more. While traveling to Bakersfield, he was mugged at the Los Angeles bus terminal which triggered a traumatic episode in which he did not know who he was and was lost for a few days until he regained his memory. He had recieved several blows to the head in which scars have occurred. He was found by a CHP and taken to a hospital in ROsemead to recover from his experience and while they tried to contact his family. When he had been released from there, I had allowed him to stay in my apartment for 4 days while I was in Riverside taking care of errands for this case. when I returned from my trip he and I discussed plans for him to get some help in dealing with his issues. At this point I was trying to help him as a friend, which I have helped a few other people with their recovery from drug use. WHen he was mugged, they took his wallet, shirt and shoes. We had made plans with his parents for him to recieve care in South Dakota, where they live, both for mental issues and for rehabilitation for drug use. I told him he could only stay here temporarily and he had to stay sober while being here. His parents were working on trying to get his birth certificate from Poland so he could obtain identification to travel to South Dakota to be hospitalized and then put into rehab. I spent 3 days at my apartment with him after returning from Riverside and we got into an argument about his messiness. That turned into the second incident of domestic violence. He is now serving a 1 year jail sentance and they have him on an INS hold to be returned to Poland. His parents disagree with the deportation and are going to try to fight it, but I told his parents that I've helped him all I can. I cannot continue to help him, because it puts me in danger now that he has proven to be violent when he's sober and also I have many other things to focus on. I have a restraining order in place where I live in Bakersfield and will file for divorce after establishing residency since I just moved here the beginning of July. I have filed the paperwork for the restraining order under my own evaluation of the situation. I am going to file for divorce and have not been influenced by anyone to make that decision this time.

There is also a history of mental illness in my family on the petitoner's side coming from her father. The petitioner has been hospitalized for mental illness when she was young and has scars on her arm from slashing it. I was never told what she was diagnosed with, but I believe that she has mutiple personalities based on her actions during my lifetime. I have had an anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder since I was 12. My mental illness is mild and I have never been on medication until last year. I had controlled it previously by changing my surroundings when I was made uncomfortable and I did occasionally smoke marijuana to calm my nerves. I stopped all illegal drugs when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was never addicted to any drug, only cigarettes. I never spent money I couldn't spare on my recreational use. I stayed drug free until after the first incident of domestic violence. I started smoking marijuana occasionally when I was out with friends. I never used while around my children and it was never kept anywhere near them. THey have never been exposed to illegal drugs. On May 17th, after attending a NA meeting with a friend I decided that I was using the domestic violence as an excuse to use. I have been sober from both drugs and alcohol ever since even through this very tough time period where the three people in the world that mean the most to me have been taken away. I was hospitalized for the first time in a mental hospital after I had a nervous breakdown in which I don't remember the majority of the time spent in the hospital recovering. The nervous breakdown happened September 26, 2003 and was a result of pushing myself too hard. I worked about 86 hours a week, going to a Medical Assisting program that was full-time, going to the gym daily to loose weight I had gained from my youngest child, selling Avon products plus a host of household errands. I didn't get but an hour or two of sleep a day and was eating once a day. I was not hospitalized for my mental illness, but when I went there for this incident they conducted a written test on me and it showed my previously existing mental illness which they then put me on medication for. I had never taken this type of medication in the past and the hospital severely overmedicated me. The social worker at the hospital told me to apply for SSI, which I did with her help. I went back to the mental hospital several times to have the medications adjusted, but they were always too strong. I stopped taking them for a few months and was able to function regularly as I have in the past. I am currently taking Effexor XR 150mg once a day for my anxiety disorder. THis medication make it possible for me to be in public places with several people without being uncomfortable or experiencing panic attacks. I have continued this medication because it is helpful to me and has no side effects. I have discontinued use after trying to deal with the side effects of the Topamax and Seroquel. Topamax makes me very sensitive to the sun which causes me to be sick. Topamax has no effect on the bipolar disorder in which it is intended. I have discontinued the Seroquel which makes me blackout about 15 minutes after taking it and I do not sleep normally on this substance. It causes me to be very groggy which makes normal life difficult to tend to. I have discontinued Klonopin under a doctor's advice, because it is an addictive medication. I know my body and mind and I know when they are functioning properly. After a long recovery from overworking myself, I feel like the normal me again. Especially without the stress of my husband around.

I am having problems being away from my children since I have always taken care of them and I have never been on my own. My children are very important to me and it's a touchy subject for me. I cry easily when I have to leave a visit with them or sometimes when I think about them. They are everything to me and it's extremely difficult for me to not have them around. The petitioner cites my mental illness for my emotions, but I believe that it is natural for a parent to want their children and to miss them so very much. It is especially difficult for me, because I know that the petitioner is doing the things she is to be vindictive. She threatens me with no visitation if I show any emotion while visiting with them. She also is very hostile and threatens me with no visitation when I try to ask her why I can't have them back. The petitioner's original reason to me for taking my children was that my husband was around again and had been violent in March. Now with my husband gone for good, she will not answer that question anymore and tells me that I'm crazy because I cry and get upset about my children. I believe that the kind of mourning I am going through for my children is completely natural as a loving parent. I would do anything for my children. I have secured an apartment for myself and my children. It is small, but it is temporary until I find a nice house in this new town I am getting to know. I believe the petitioner filed this case due to finding out my plans to move from Riverside to Bakersfield. I did not move here for any other reason than economics. I can afford to pay all my bills and support my family in this new town compared to not even having enough for rent if I lived in Riverside. The reason I believe she filed because I was planning on moving a little ways away is because she makes statements about me moving back to Riverside to get my kids back. I don't believe I should be forced to live in a place I can't afford just to have my children. I am an adult, I should be able to be free to decide where I want to live. If she is worried about visiting them, she has plenty of money and can drive up here anytime she feels like it since she doesn't work inside the business often, because she has employees. Also she has two brand new cars that can make the trip easily. I believe that she is being selfish and vindictive. The petitioner is one of those people who is always out for revenge. I believe that I am a great mom. I always make sure my kids have everything they need and want. My children are proof of how they are nurtured, cared for and loved. All my kids have perfect manners and respect for people and property. They are very intelligent, especially the oldest one. She uses big words for a person of her age. The oldest one also loves to take dance lessons and preform. The petitioner is not willing to drive her to her class 1 hour on Saturdays. Since I did without things when I was growing up, I've always made sure my children got everything they want, mostly. They may be a little spoiled, but they are very happy. The girls keep asking me if they can come live with me. I don't even know how to answer that question for them, because I don't know what all these people are doing in the court. Everyone has left me in the dark and been secretive around me. I go to court on the dates specified, spend a lot of money getting there and nothing ever happens, we always just get another court date and they move on. I do not depend on anyone else to pay my bills like she did. I am independent and have always worked hard to pay my own way. All I ask is to have my children back.

People always talk about honesty, but no one wants to hear the truth. I've been telling the truth in court from the very beginning and all I've heard from the other side is lies and accusations that have no substance or proof. If people win court cases by blantantly lying and showing no proof, I will then have lost all trust and belief in the country I live in. No one should be allowed to just up and steal someone else's children by making a few good accusations. Why aren't my children safe from being torn away from their mother? They have laws for everything else, but there is nothing protecting families from being ripped apart and dragged through a long process in the system. My children are very young and for things to be drawn out as long as they have is detremental to them. They are developing quickly and it can't be healthy for them to be suddenly taken away from their mother whom they've always lived with and known. The visits are rare because of my finances during September and October and the petitioner is very strong-willed about bringing them to visit me. I think that she should participate in some of the cost for the visits since she started this whole mess and is now well-off since obtaining the family business. My children need to be returned to the stable environment that they have grown in so far. It's obvious that I take good care of them, otherwise they wouldn't be the great kids they are turning out to be. These kinds of proceedings are supposed to be started against people who abuse their children or neglect them, I've done neither.